


The Angel of Thursday and The Righteous Man

by Heyimsilverrr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Grieving Dean Winchester, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Sorry Not Sorry, The Empty (Supernatural), episode 20 never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyimsilverrr/pseuds/Heyimsilverrr
Summary: Most of my life I was always told to just watch over humanity, told to protect them and guide them into a brighter future and I did just that. Though I did stray from Heaven’s rule and caused so much pain and destruction, but at the end of the day I did it all for love.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 4





	The Angel of Thursday and The Righteous Man

Chapter One: Love Lost

Most of my life I had followed one singular command and that was to watch over humanity, to be the sheppards to their pastures. For the most part I followed that command, I watched the humans go from a small fish on the shore of a sandy beach to them walking and laughing. Not only did I watch over the humans like my original job was meant to be, but to the humans I was the Angel of Thursday, protector of the most righteous. That I did become, and because of me protecting the one righteous man I fell, hurtling to earth as my wings burned to nothing. Though in hindsight it did take a lot longer for me to properly fall from heaven, with my foot always over the threshold. That is until he had to weave himself into my entire being without any consent of my own, but at the end of the day I didn't fight it, I hugged it to my very soul.

Most would assume because I am an Angel that I don’t feel as a human does, that I can’t feel love, happiness, hate and anger like they do. How I wish they were right for I feel things so deeply, so profoundly that I wish I was the Angel I used to be. Back before I met him I was a soldier, one without emotion and following command from the higher ranks. But since Metatron took my grace (which made me fall and in result made me human), I have been able to feel as deeply as any other human. Though even before my fall part of me always knew I cared for him, that he was something profound that I knew I could never let go. It only took me losing me grace to figure out the word that described that feeling I felt whenever I saw him and it's called love.

But I knew him, the notorious ladies man, so I kept that secret buried so deep that I even couldn’t find it. Besides he had so much going on in his life at that point, I just couldn't bring myself to just lay such a hefty realization onto him. Though of course it was foolish, but some part of me was afraid of him not loving me back or worse him pushing me away in disgust. So when I did become an Angel once more I was infinitely thankful that I could put him behind me and push onward to restoring what is left of my species. But when I did become an Angel once more there was a tidal wave of longing and prayers from him that almost made me hope. Then again nothing did come easy to us, both of us died and mourned one another and truly there wasn't a time to talk until one fateful evening in the bunkers storeroom with Death banging on the door.

The more I think about it I do regret how everything came into light, part of me wished that I could have told him when everything was all said and done. That I could place my hand on his cheek and look into those beautiful green eyes and tell him that I have loved him ever since I met him in Hell. Then when those words escaped my lips, I could finally lean into his personal bubble only to share a single breath. Just the thought of his forehead against mine, the simplicity we both so desperately wanted and deserved. Then again I never would have thought he would reciprocate my feelings, until he said in his gruff voice three little words.

“Me too, Cas.” His voice pierces into my very being, making me lose my breath as a whole new wave of tears fall down my cheeks.

All I could think of at that point was that this isn't fair, that my and his life was just some story God wanted to control. It took me so long to get those words out of my mouth, twelve long years, years we could have had if it wasn’t for him. But then again we both would have never ended up here, on the brink of finding paradise if we both had come to terms. But that was God’s doing to begin with, he never wanted me in this story with the Winchester’s, even said so himself when he was posing as a prophet. But he never factored in the undying faith Dean had in me and I in him, for we both always found each other no matter the circumstance.

So in my last acts of bravery and my own free will that I fought so hard for, I touched his shoulder. My hand fell on top of the handprint scar that I gave him all those years ago as my eyes began memorizing the green of his, those freckles that spanned across the bridge of his nose that he hated so much but I loved so dearly. I then pushed him to the ground as the Empty took me into my own personal Hell, but that in turn saved him from Death and gave him a chance at saving the world. I personally had long ago accepted that I would die in some way for one of the Winchester boy’s, and I think that this is the perfect way to go. But just before the Empty took full hold of me I looked down to him one more time only to see him in shock as he tried getting up to save me, but it's too late and I am already gone.

The last time I was in the Empty, when I was properly gone it was almost peaceful in its infinite darkness and the warmth with no source. But I of course took no notice of that this time as my worst memories come to the forefront of my mind, and they all seem to revolve around him. I see myself grip him tight as my fist collides with his face, watching the blood trickling down his nose as he begs me to stop, as he tells me that he forgives me. But all I could feel or think at that point is the longing that was ebbing from his entire being, the love and understanding as he tells me that he needs me. That will forever be the man that I will remember as all of eternity is laid out in front of me with a nice big red ribbon.

The next thing I see is Heavens many halls, always separating the humans into their most cherished memories so they may live the rest of eternity in peace. But I am running, running from all of my past mistakes as the whole host is trying to find and make me atone for my sins. When they do find me, broken and half of the angel I used to be, they forced me to become someone I no longer know. They tried to make me into the Angel of Thursday, the one before the Winchesters, the one without emotion.

With a single drill Naomi rewrites my entire brain, making it out to be for the best outcome when push comes to shove. When done she leaves me withering in pain in that pristine white office that she most definitely does not deserve. I bring up my hand, Jimmy Novak's hand, to my face only to feel blood coming from my eyes making me coward down into nothing. Maybe I did deserve this. Just maybe this is the only way I can ever atone for the sins, near genocide that I have created and was done for all but one man.

‘CASTIEL!’

Then as if it was on cue I heard his voice scream my name, my full name allowing a warm feeling to settle within me. Though whenever he addresses me I get that feeling, that sickening feeling that makes me want to run far away, but at the same time makes me want to kiss those lips that have tasted so many others. Closing my eyes I try to hold onto that warmth, that feeling it gives me as I feel the freezing cold of the Angels transport me somewhere else.

“Castiel you will stand before me.” Her voice cuts through me, a similar feeling to that of an Angel blade to my skin.

Opening my eyes I find my person in a large room, something so daunting as the grey walls seem to be closing in on me. Moving away from her I try to gasp for the breath that I truly don’t need but this body out of habit continues to do. Why does it feel like someone is pushing on my chest?

“This is a small exercise Castiel.” Her voice drones on as she goes to place a blade in my hand. “You must kill him.” Then with a snap of her fingers the one and only Dean Winchester is standing in front of me.

“No.” I stand up to her dropping the blade as she sighs aloud in an aggravated tone.

“Yes you will Castiel.” She then forces the blade back into my hands, sealing it away as she makes me walk closer to him. “You have to do this Castiel, this is the only way. He has stood in Heaven’s way for far too long.”

“I will not kill him.” I cry out as the blade goes through his chest, his eyes never leaving mine as his hand goes up to my cheek.

A thousand Dean’s dead at my feet because of my own two hands. Standing over them with a blank emotion, I scan the room in hopes that he is the last one that I will have to kill. Dropping the blade with a small clatter I slowly look down to my blood covered hands, as I try not to choke on my own vomit. I try to remind myself that they are just mere copies of the man I love, that they didn't have his beautiful soul living inside giving him life. But it's hard when all I see is him sprawled over the concrete ground with blood soaking into its pores. I try reminding myself that Dean is safe, that he is on Earth living a simple life far from heavenly control. But some part of me bubbles to the surface that this is what he is going to become, nothing more than a pile of meat on the ground. 

Falling to my knees I scream on top of my lungs, begging to be released from this torture that I had so long deserved. But no one hears, or if they do they ignore me as my screams echo across the room full of Dean. Closing my eyes the tears fall down my cheeks that I have never tried to hide, but wished I had. Part of me wished that I could be that Angel again, one without emotion, another soldier of Heaven ready to fight at the ready. But then I feel a hand on my shoulder making me freeze in place on the cold concrete ground covered in blood.

  
  



End file.
